


Bad Feeling

by panicking



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Star Trek: Into Darkness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-25 23:12:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1666007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panicking/pseuds/panicking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard McCoy has a bad feeling and knows he shouldn't ignore it. The consequences of his action and the emotions involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad Feeling

Leonard McCoy had a bad feeling. He had had a bad feeling when Jocelyn divorced him. He’d had a bad feeling during the entirety of the Narada incident, as they were now calling it. And he had a bad feeling now, when there was a supercharged man from the past on board the Enterprise and Admiral Marcus had gone crazy. He had learned from his past, so he knew that he had to trust this bad feeling. Trusting it meant going with his gut feeling and telling Jim that he was hopelessly in love with him. So he went with it.

“Jim? I need to talk to you,” he said, running to catch up with his captain. Jim turned around, his face strained.

“Does it have to be now, Bones? If you haven’t noticed, I have 72 mostly human popsicles and a homicidal maniac that I’m trusting my life to on board my ship. I’m kind of busy at the moment.” Leonard blinked, his face falling back into its normal scowl.

“Sure, Jim. It can wait.”

“Thanks, Bones. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Jim clapped Leonard on the shoulder and strode off. Jim didn’t seem to notice the way Leonard’s hands were almost shaking. He had never brushed Leonard off like that before, or at least not since they jumped off the cliff together and returned to San Francisco. Leonard turned to walk back to medbay, ignoring the sickening clench of his stomach that was telling him, loud and clear, that he had made a huge mistake.

/|\|/|\|/|\

It had been a week since Jim had woken up. A week since Leonard could breathe, a week since he had thought things might go back to the way they were before. They hadn’t, of course. Not with the way Leonard worked with luck. Jim, seemingly, had done his best to ignore Leonard. Jim’s entire world had narrowed down to a few things: Spock, the Enterprise, Pike, Khan, and Marcus. However, since he couldn’t access four out of those five things, he really only focused on one. Spock. Leonard was fine with this, truly. Jim and Spock were true friends, with a friendship renowned across the two known universes.

So Leonard was genuinely confused when Jim called him over to his bed.

“Bones? Before I died, you said you wanted to talk to me. I’m available now, if you want.” Jim smiled weakly as he saw the flash of pain come over Leonard’s face at the mention of his death. He didn’t mention it, though, either because he ignored it or didn’t want to draw attention to it.

“No, it doesn’t matter now. I made a mistake, and it’s been corrected. Is that all?” Jim nodded, and Leonard stalked out of the room, doing his best to hold his head high. He shut the door behind him and breathed out, long and shaky. He had had time, lots of it, to think over his decision. Falling in love with Jim Kirk had been a mistake.

He had realized it when, after a week of Jim being alive and conscious, he had not thanked him. He hadn’t thanked him for creating a serum strong enough to bring him back from the dead. He hadn’t thanked him for getting the information through to Uhura for her to get to Spock and stop him from destroying Khan. He hadn’t been thanked for keeping himself together when he learned that his best friend in the world, his shining star, was dead and gone forever. He hadn’t been thanked for risking his arm and his life to find out what was in the torpedoes. He hadn’t been thanked for putting his medical career, and his Starfleet uniform (not that he cared about that) in jeopardy. He hadn’t been thanked for not sleeping for a week straight, for only getting any kind of rest when Christine had injected him with a sleeping drug just to make Leonard stop. He hadn’t been thanked for all the time spent watching over him. He hadn’t been thanked for countless hours of experimentation with Khan’s blood.

He had not been thanked for bringing Jim back to life.

He had barely even spoken with Jim. Leonard wasn’t the problem with that, it was Jim. Leonard knew him well enough that he didn’t do well when confined to a bed, and that he preferred to speak to people on his own terms. So Leonard had done his duty of taking care of Jim, but not overstepping the boundary between doctor and best friend. He had ignored his desperate need to make sure that Jim was truly okay. He had crushed the pain in his heart when Jim woke up and ignored him. He knew that his love would never die, but that Jim obviously did not feel the same for him.

Jim had used Leonard as means to an end. Leonard was his way to survive the brutal Academy. Leonard was his way to gain his own ship and have a CMO he could trust. Leonard was his way to come back to life. Leonard was his way to go from repeat offender to Starfleet’s golden boy. Leonard was simply means to an end.

So when Leonard shut the door behind himself and drew in a long, shaky breath before walking away, he didn’t hear Jim’s quiet whisper.

“Bones, when did I lose you?”


End file.
